Aussie rock legend Nick Cave has reflected on the loss of his teenage son, 10 years on from the tragic death.
The 67-year-old opened up about his grief on his Red Hand Files website – where he often answers questions from fans.
One fan, Carlos from Brazil, asked “It’s been ten years since your son Arthur died. What have you and Susie learned in those years?’
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Another named Emma from Melbourne asked, “Does the pain last forever?”
The rocker responded, “The pain remains, but I have found that it evolves over time. Grief blossoms with age, becoming less a personal affront, less a cosmic betrayal, and more a poetic quality of being as we learn to surrender to it.
“As we are confronted with the intolerable injustice of death, what seems unbearable ultimately turns out not to be unbearable at all. Sorrow grows richer, deeper, and more textured. It feels more interesting, creative, and lovely.”
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Cave discovered through loss that his was “a common human story” and one that brought him closer to God.
“I learned we all actually die. I realised that although each of us is special and unique, our pain and brokenness is not,” he continued.
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“Over time, Susie and I came to understand that the world is not indifferent or cruel, but precious and loving – indeed, lovely – tilting ever toward good.”
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Thus he sees “heartbreak as the most proportional response to the state of the world – to say I love you is to say my heart breaks for you, and this sentiment resonates within all things.
“Sorrow becomes a way of life, part laughter, part tears, with very little space between. It is a way of conducting oneself in the world, of loving it, of worshipping it.”
The Into My Arms singer said he shared this letter with his wife Susie, who “agreed that things get better in time,” and even continues to see Arthur in her dreams.
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He concluded his letter with, “I’m not sure what else I’ve learned, Carlos, except that here we still are, a decade later, living within the radiant heart of the trauma, the place where all thoughts and dreams converge and where all hope and sorrow reside, the bright and teary eye of the storm – this whirling boy who is God, like every other thing. We remember him today.”
Arthur, then 15, died after falling from the Ovingdean Gap cliffs in Brighton, England.
At the time Cave and his wife Susie, now 58, said in a statement: “He was our beautiful, happy, loving boy. We ask that we be given the privacy our family needs to grieve at this difficult time.”
Arthur has one twin brother, Earl, who is now an actor having appeared in projects such as The School for Good and Evil, Alex Rider, Dune: Prophecy, and more.
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Cave also had a child with his first wife Brazilian journalist Viviane Carneiro, with whom he shares a son Luke, born 1991.
Ten days before Luke’s birth, Cave’s son Jethro was born to his mother Beau Lazenby, in Melbourne.
Cave didn’t meet Jethro until he was about seven or eight. Jethro died aged 31 in May 2022.
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