‘Little House on the Prairie’ star had to be saved from swarm of girls kissing him

It’s a story we can all relate to. Who didn’t go to a renaissance fair as a teen and get smothered in smooches by adoring fans?

Well, it’s the type of thing that happened to Matthew Labyorteaux back in the day when he was sending hearts aflutter every week as Albert on Little House on the Prairie.

Matthew’s older brother Patrick, host of The Patrick LabyorSheaux (and who was also on Little House but it best known these days for hundreds of episodes on two of television’s finer acronym-based series, JAG and NCIS), was reminiscing about palling around with actor Al Eisenmann, brother of Ike Eisenmann, who were all part of the teen scene in Hollywood in the 1970s and early ’80s.

One afternoon, Patrick and Al went to the Paramount Ranch in Agoura Hills, Calif., for a renaissance fair, and Matthew tagged along. Al was a little annoyed his friend’s kid brother was there, so he was calling him “Albert” the whole time, kinda razzing him. (This is important for later in the story.)

At the park, there was something called “The Kissing Bridge,” a mistletoe-type idea; boys stand there and, allegedly, girls give them a pleasant kiss. Patrick and Al booked it there, but Matthew, a little younger, was still in the “ew, girls!” stage. So he went to get one of those giant turkey legs, as one does at a renaissance fair.

“We see girls around the corners of the Kissing Bridge, kinda checking us out,” Patrick remembered, decades later. “[But] nothing is happening, and I see my brother with his turkey leg. That’s not sexy, girls don’t like guys eating turkey legs.”

Patrick continued, “We head across and I see this terrified look on Al’s face. He points behind me and he goes, ‘Albert down! Albert down!’ I turn around and my brother, in the middle of the Kissing Bridge, is surrounded by girls wanting to kiss Albert. He’s still trying to hold the turkey leg and he’s getting kissed by all these girls.”

Chuckling, Patrick added, “This is a dream come true to Al and I, but to my brother, it was a nightmare. Al’s going, ‘Albert down! Albert down!’ and we run in there like a military squad getting him out to safety. No man left behind, and no turkey leg left behind.”

Patrick then explained that he was focused on getting his little brother to the other side of the bridge “where international law says you can’t kiss him,” while his buddy Al was doing the best he could to benefit from Albertmania and get some kisses for himself. (“Why didn’t I think of that?” Patrick reflected.)

Patrick joked that the event was traumatic, and it is unclear if Matthew is able to come into contact with giant turkey legs without flashbacks.

And that’s why you should never leave Walnut Grove.

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To hear more from the most recent episode of The Patrick LabyorSheaux, you can check it out beleaux.